All The Flair Of A Filing Cabinet by Jacob Karnas

Please visit my satire column ALL THE FLAIR OF A FILING CABINET... here.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Svedka

Happy Hanukkah (Chanukah) [Hanukah]!


The first night of the Festival of Lights and I feel like hell... I've had either a sinus infection or a cold for the past few days and hopefully it clears up soon.

For the fourth night of [the Festival], there will be a party; as with every Erev Shabbat. No theme, but I'd better get some fucking gifts. lol

I called out from work this morning because of my aforementioned sickness. I awoke and lost my voice. Pretty terrible. I slept until 3:00 PM or so and woke up still feeling like ass. I did have an interesting dream, though. I dreamt I went to my mother's house, for some reason or other, with my digital camera recording something. I entered and found my step-father sleeping with someone who was definitely not my mother. I didn't say anything, I just walked to the front foyer and grabbed the keys to my car he is holding ransom from me and walked out [knowing he's not going to say anything]. I get to the car and he runs out and says I can have the car, "just don't say anything to your mother". I drive off to attend my friend's party [note: the friend is undisclosed because I don't even know who it was]. As I'm driving, the car transforms into a go-kart. This startles me while making a turn and I end up driving down the wrong side of the street due to the surprise. I get to the party, the earth floods and we're all trapped inside while Jeff Goldblum tries to figure out a way to rectify the situation.

Pretty epic.

I only wish the car part ended up happening. Not that I wish my mother any heartbreak, of course.

Dreams, they say, are supposed to have true meaning. If this has true meaning, any at all, I'll be getting a car, my mother will be getting a divorce and Jeff Goldblum will be a front-runner in the battle against global warming. Interesting stuff.

- JWK

No comments: