The truth is, I'm lonely.
I'm always lonely. I could have all the friends in the world and never have any time where I'm alone and I would still be lonely.
I don't know why.
I've always been like this. I'm sorry.
I'm excessive. I'm obsessive. I'm compulsive. I'm extravagant. I'm boisterous. I'm aggressively kind. I'm aggressively rude. I'm aggressively existential.
I am existential in general.
I never care. Only about myself. I'm fake.
Again, I'm sorry.
I want to be normal, but who's to say exactly what defines normal. The masses. Why do I want to be a sheep? Because it's normal.
I want to be the leader. Always. I want to be in control. I've never not been in control... on purpose. I'm pushed down often. I never want to be a follower... on purpose.
I just want to be happy. I want people to be happy with me. I want a normal life, normal friends, normal experiences.
We'll start out tomorrow and see what happens.
- JWK
Friday, April 11, 2008
Deluxe
I can't stand this place.
I may not even attend NAU, now that I'm thinking about it... I may travel someplace else, just to escape from everyone.
I realise that I don't have many "real friends". Mostly, people prefer other friends' company to mine and that upsets me. I'm probably not going to inform many of my departure. I'll just go.
Anyplace will be better, wherever I go. I hope to leave the country. Start over elsewhere and hopefully be happy.
- JWK
I may not even attend NAU, now that I'm thinking about it... I may travel someplace else, just to escape from everyone.
I realise that I don't have many "real friends". Mostly, people prefer other friends' company to mine and that upsets me. I'm probably not going to inform many of my departure. I'll just go.
Anyplace will be better, wherever I go. I hope to leave the country. Start over elsewhere and hopefully be happy.
- JWK
Olympus
I really don't like Nate's friend Sara.
At first I did.
She's rude, mainly to me, in the place where I live. I really have never stood for people being actually rude to me in my house. Jokingly mean and/or rude is fine. But she's literally rude to me.
Plus, she's not being fair to Nate. Or at least, she wasn't being fair to Nate. He says they've both "...realised there's nothing coming out of this, but I still want to be her friend," he says. I still don't like her, though. After what she did to Brian then started doing to Nate... that's fucked up.
On all levels.
James is sleeping on my couch. In an awkward position. His back is going to destroy itself. I should wake him up. Looks painful.
Monica wants to see me, and I her, but her son. So probably not today. And his father is being a douche, so she's not letting him have him for a while. I really think this might work better than before.
Before, I met Rhiannon earlier on. Bad idea. Then she started calling me dad. Then Jenn and I started spending more time together than is healthy.
Then we got married.
This seems better because we don't see each other. At all really. Twice a week or so. It's nice to have freedom but still be with her. I know it just started a week ago, but, you know.
- JWK
At first I did.
She's rude, mainly to me, in the place where I live. I really have never stood for people being actually rude to me in my house. Jokingly mean and/or rude is fine. But she's literally rude to me.
Plus, she's not being fair to Nate. Or at least, she wasn't being fair to Nate. He says they've both "...realised there's nothing coming out of this, but I still want to be her friend," he says. I still don't like her, though. After what she did to Brian then started doing to Nate... that's fucked up.
On all levels.
James is sleeping on my couch. In an awkward position. His back is going to destroy itself. I should wake him up. Looks painful.
Monica wants to see me, and I her, but her son. So probably not today. And his father is being a douche, so she's not letting him have him for a while. I really think this might work better than before.
Before, I met Rhiannon earlier on. Bad idea. Then she started calling me dad. Then Jenn and I started spending more time together than is healthy.
Then we got married.
This seems better because we don't see each other. At all really. Twice a week or so. It's nice to have freedom but still be with her. I know it just started a week ago, but, you know.
- JWK
Century
I have a girlfriend.
It's nice to say. Her name is Monica Rodriguez and we've known eachother for around five years. She used to hang out with Alex and me and all of our friends then.
I also dropped my phone in the toilet and was forced to buy a new, better, faster one. It rocks. Cristina then went out and bought the same one. MP3 capabilities, fast interweb and all that crazy jazz.
So I've lost your phone number. I lost all my phone numbers. Give it to me.
There's a party tonight.
That's really all the news I have.
- JWK
It's nice to say. Her name is Monica Rodriguez and we've known eachother for around five years. She used to hang out with Alex and me and all of our friends then.
I also dropped my phone in the toilet and was forced to buy a new, better, faster one. It rocks. Cristina then went out and bought the same one. MP3 capabilities, fast interweb and all that crazy jazz.
So I've lost your phone number. I lost all my phone numbers. Give it to me.
There's a party tonight.
That's really all the news I have.
- JWK
Svedka
Happy Hanukkah (Chanukah) [Hanukah]!
The first night of the Festival of Lights and I feel like hell... I've had either a sinus infection or a cold for the past few days and hopefully it clears up soon.
For the fourth night of [the Festival], there will be a party; as with every Erev Shabbat. No theme, but I'd better get some fucking gifts. lol
I called out from work this morning because of my aforementioned sickness. I awoke and lost my voice. Pretty terrible. I slept until 3:00 PM or so and woke up still feeling like ass. I did have an interesting dream, though. I dreamt I went to my mother's house, for some reason or other, with my digital camera recording something. I entered and found my step-father sleeping with someone who was definitely not my mother. I didn't say anything, I just walked to the front foyer and grabbed the keys to my car he is holding ransom from me and walked out [knowing he's not going to say anything]. I get to the car and he runs out and says I can have the car, "just don't say anything to your mother". I drive off to attend my friend's party [note: the friend is undisclosed because I don't even know who it was]. As I'm driving, the car transforms into a go-kart. This startles me while making a turn and I end up driving down the wrong side of the street due to the surprise. I get to the party, the earth floods and we're all trapped inside while Jeff Goldblum tries to figure out a way to rectify the situation.
Pretty epic.
I only wish the car part ended up happening. Not that I wish my mother any heartbreak, of course.
Dreams, they say, are supposed to have true meaning. If this has true meaning, any at all, I'll be getting a car, my mother will be getting a divorce and Jeff Goldblum will be a front-runner in the battle against global warming. Interesting stuff.
- JWK
The first night of the Festival of Lights and I feel like hell... I've had either a sinus infection or a cold for the past few days and hopefully it clears up soon.
For the fourth night of [the Festival], there will be a party; as with every Erev Shabbat. No theme, but I'd better get some fucking gifts. lol
I called out from work this morning because of my aforementioned sickness. I awoke and lost my voice. Pretty terrible. I slept until 3:00 PM or so and woke up still feeling like ass. I did have an interesting dream, though. I dreamt I went to my mother's house, for some reason or other, with my digital camera recording something. I entered and found my step-father sleeping with someone who was definitely not my mother. I didn't say anything, I just walked to the front foyer and grabbed the keys to my car he is holding ransom from me and walked out [knowing he's not going to say anything]. I get to the car and he runs out and says I can have the car, "just don't say anything to your mother". I drive off to attend my friend's party [note: the friend is undisclosed because I don't even know who it was]. As I'm driving, the car transforms into a go-kart. This startles me while making a turn and I end up driving down the wrong side of the street due to the surprise. I get to the party, the earth floods and we're all trapped inside while Jeff Goldblum tries to figure out a way to rectify the situation.
Pretty epic.
I only wish the car part ended up happening. Not that I wish my mother any heartbreak, of course.
Dreams, they say, are supposed to have true meaning. If this has true meaning, any at all, I'll be getting a car, my mother will be getting a divorce and Jeff Goldblum will be a front-runner in the battle against global warming. Interesting stuff.
- JWK
Gimel
It's been raining all day and night. I love when it rains. The only time I find I can write quality material is when it is overcast yet I don't find myself in a particularly creative mood at the moment.
I've been having a great time at work as of late [knock on wood] and I hope that after the "holiday season" it remains that way. Cheyne, Anne and Brisa have all returned to work for Borders and I've been having a great time with them and the other members of the staff. The season has brought out a sense of familiarity in Brian and Nico. They've included me in the inside "holiday jokes" and I feel as though I had been there to see it firsthand last year.
I've been employed with Borders for nearly a year now, having been hired just after the season ended in 2006. I'm the fastest cashier on staff and ring, second to Sage in the cafe, the most customers in the district. The fate of the store's Borders Rewards Card numbers rest on Sage and me alone, and so far I have a higher percentage than he does [again, knock on wood].
I've been doing an exemplary job with my work and the managers have seemed to show interest in it. My work at the kiosk is especially exemplary and I'm hoping that Tim puts in a good word to the managers for me on that note.
I've been working on getting ready for my "campaign for president 2008", a YouTube series telling voters who don't know who to vote for to pencil my name in on the ballots next year.
There are other shorts in the beginning stages, including: "FlatMates", "Conversations" and "Suits". Look for upcoming updates on all four.
In other news: I need a girlfriend... I hate being alone.
Yet that's rife with self-pity, so none of that.
- JWK
I've been having a great time at work as of late [knock on wood] and I hope that after the "holiday season" it remains that way. Cheyne, Anne and Brisa have all returned to work for Borders and I've been having a great time with them and the other members of the staff. The season has brought out a sense of familiarity in Brian and Nico. They've included me in the inside "holiday jokes" and I feel as though I had been there to see it firsthand last year.
I've been employed with Borders for nearly a year now, having been hired just after the season ended in 2006. I'm the fastest cashier on staff and ring, second to Sage in the cafe, the most customers in the district. The fate of the store's Borders Rewards Card numbers rest on Sage and me alone, and so far I have a higher percentage than he does [again, knock on wood].
I've been doing an exemplary job with my work and the managers have seemed to show interest in it. My work at the kiosk is especially exemplary and I'm hoping that Tim puts in a good word to the managers for me on that note.
I've been working on getting ready for my "campaign for president 2008", a YouTube series telling voters who don't know who to vote for to pencil my name in on the ballots next year.
There are other shorts in the beginning stages, including: "FlatMates", "Conversations" and "Suits". Look for upcoming updates on all four.
In other news: I need a girlfriend... I hate being alone.
Yet that's rife with self-pity, so none of that.
- JWK
A Schoen Product
My room has all the flair of a filing cabinet in it's office-decor setup. I've become all too used to having absolutely no home decorations and it shows.
The new headquarters for Studio Sigma Films, Ltd. is centered, firmly placed, between manila-folder beige and xerox-machine grey.
No luck today finding a new antique typewriter. I did, however, find myself interested in the Hollywood Automat [stainless steel] Splicer (8mm.16mm) and ended up purchasing it (leading me to find that money, albeit necessary, has fucked me in my unwilling ass).
Bank of America's WorldPoints Credit Card department has been returning my payments due to an "error in your account number". I then scheduled a payment for $110 USD and realised that, "Fuck. I owe a shit-ton of cash this month and upcoming.
To remedy this, I've decided to file suit against the woman who placed me in a great amount of pain. [Note: for those not "in the know", I was struck by a vehicle on my way to work, whilst on bicycle, by a truck. Really, I was the one who struck the truck, having nowhere else to go; other than into traffic; when she decided to barge in front of me in the bicycle lane and proceed to turn ever so slowly. I went under the truck and was pinned, gladly realising (before screaming like a 10 year-old girl) that she had stopped.]
This suit should appropriate (yes, seize) me a minimum of $5000 USD, equaling enough for me to pay of all debts and purchase an much needed automobile.
Things were so much easier when I was rich.
The new headquarters for Studio Sigma Films, Ltd. is centered, firmly placed, between manila-folder beige and xerox-machine grey.
No luck today finding a new antique typewriter. I did, however, find myself interested in the Hollywood Automat [stainless steel] Splicer (8mm.16mm) and ended up purchasing it (leading me to find that money, albeit necessary, has fucked me in my unwilling ass).
Bank of America's WorldPoints Credit Card department has been returning my payments due to an "error in your account number". I then scheduled a payment for $110 USD and realised that, "Fuck. I owe a shit-ton of cash this month and upcoming.
To remedy this, I've decided to file suit against the woman who placed me in a great amount of pain. [Note: for those not "in the know", I was struck by a vehicle on my way to work, whilst on bicycle, by a truck. Really, I was the one who struck the truck, having nowhere else to go; other than into traffic; when she decided to barge in front of me in the bicycle lane and proceed to turn ever so slowly. I went under the truck and was pinned, gladly realising (before screaming like a 10 year-old girl) that she had stopped.]
This suit should appropriate (yes, seize) me a minimum of $5000 USD, equaling enough for me to pay of all debts and purchase an much needed automobile.
Things were so much easier when I was rich.
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